Most of us have been there. Invited to a party or social gathering that we would love to go to, but then… that little voice in the back of heads tells us that going would be a bad idea. Not because of drinking too much or seeing our ex, ect.. but the fear of actually having to talk to people. I am actually a recovering “antisocial addict”. I feared even the thought of talking to someone new. It would throw my heart into overdrive and my palms would turn into the grand rapids. I mean. What would I say to even initiate a conversation and worse how could I keep the conversation going? This fear caused me to miss out on pretty much half of my college career, but like I said I’m in recovery. We are social creatures and we are meant to socialize with each other. So let me explain the way I am trying to work through this problem. The first step is actually getting out there and this doesnt mean you have to talk to someone. Feel free to sit in a park or any social place and just try to relax. Comfortability will come with time. I spent most of my time finding times to go sit somewhere. Do homework or just sit and enjoy nature. Take it all in because this step is only the first in making social waves. After you feel comfortable with this, (Trust me this next step is the most uncomfortable for some) just say hey to people in passing. Don’t feel like you have to say anything else, this is a big step. Try to raise your voice to a normal tone because I know when I first started I would have the quietest hey you would never hear. Actually let the person hear you because it will raise your comfortability, plus it is less awkward for you and the other person if they can hear you and most people will even say hello back. Do this step until you can actually start asking people about their day and small talk. If you can do this I already feel like you beat social anxiety and you should too. The only way to really beat this anxiety is to face it head on and make small steps towards your social goals. Just realize that everyone else is a person just like you and no one is perfect. Don’t let any person make you feel inferior. Oh and P.s. guys. Remember to simply smile. It does wonders for social interactions and for boosting your mood.

In this day in time it seems that anywhere you look you can see relationships and couples. Both good and bad. But the majority of relationships involving people below the age of about 30 fail. Why is this? If you look at history and the marriages of our grandparents and greatgrandparents, you will see a good majority of success. I believe that the age of the gentleman has slowly faded away over the past few generations and now we can see all these guys that think it’s fun to play with girls’ hearts. The age of “swag” instead of class. Condoms instead than flowers. Guys nowadays dont understand the little intricacies that make all the difference when treating a woman. Holding the door, Opening the car door for her, pulling out her seat for her at dinner, and even standing between her and the street when walking on the sidewalk. You may ask why is this important. But the reason our ancestoral men were taught these things was not to just make girls feel special. Sure that is part of it because a true gentleman makes his woman feel like a queen. But the real reason was to engrain in men’s minds that they were held to a higher standard. Get lazy and you dont deserve a woman and the woman would hold a man accountable too. But nowadays we as men have gotten lazy and women believe that this new age man is how it is supposed to be. That it’s normal and what they deserve. Why does this generation of women deserve substantially less of a gentleman than others before them? They dont. So men.. When you take a girl out on a date. Be a gentleman. Look up some characteristics if you dont know them. Dress well, flowers, hold doors, and call her beautiful (Not Hot). And women. The next time you go on a date be on lookout for these things. If he is portraying a gentleman then appreciate this. He is actually trying as much as you are and is putting his best foot forward. Let’s bring back the age of the Gentleman.

By the time we get to college most of us have had at least one relationship that has failed. This is an unforunate statistic, but yet not so unfortunate either. The thing is that no matter how perfect your ex seemed; believe that they were a lesson. Maybe in things you want in a significant other, but also things you don’t want. We learn these lessons for a reason. I have had my heart broken many times. But my solace to all of that is that I see how perfect my exes seemed to me. Sounds like a great compliment and it is. I dont regret a single connection I ever made. But realizing that they were seemingly perfect also makes me excited for the future. If they were my ideal perfection then how perfect for me will the woman that I will call my wife one day be? So be truly excited for the future and leave the past behind. Everything will look up and you really will find the person that you are meant to be with. And it will be your own version of perfection.

Depression: It’s one of the hardest and most common problems for any one to deal with in this life. It sends us in a downward spiral into a hole that we can not climb out of. No one is safe from this affliction and it can hit us at any time. This brings me to my first tip.

Tip#1 Understand that you are not alone!
So many times we feel like we are fighting a losing battle and you are the sole defender of your happiness. But there are an estimated 7.3 billion people on this earth. Reach out to them! You will find life will be a lot better when you know someone is on your side.

Tip #2 Answer When, Who, What, Why, and How. 
Use this formula to figure out what your triggers are. I learned this in an addiction class one day and you can actually apply this to depression. When you feel the initial onset of a depression episode answer these questions. When refers to what time; this can be time of day, season, or even day or night. Who refers to who you are around. Some people can trigger a depressive episode because of their mood which can affect your mood. What refers to what you feel; ask yourself exactly how you feel. Reflect on this for a second and ask yourself if you feel anything such as: anxiety, confusion, panic, etc.. Why refers to why do you feel like this; reflect on why you feel this way using the answers to the previous questions. Try to learn to view the feelings objectively. View your feelings but don’t identify with them. An example of this would be taking the feeling of depression and viewing it as if it is an object. Don’t say “I feel depressed” or “I am Depressed”. How refers to how you got out of the depressive episode (if you did, if not view the next tips). Reflect on how you got out of the episode and implement the actions you took and eliminate the triggers that caused these feelings.

Tip #3 Push yourself out of your comfort zone.
I know that when I get in a depressive episode I end up in my bed for days or weeks on end. I shirk responsibilities and academics because I emotionally and mentally can’t stop being depressed. It limits me and my life in all aspects. This tip is really important to me and it is probably the hardest one to follow, but it is amazingly effective. When you feel like you want to stay in the bed; DON’T!!! Get up and get out. Write poetry in a beautiful spot on campus or in the city you live in. Meditate in the park around others because you may not realize how much the sun and social interaction can benefit you. “Social Interaction, Kurt? I’m just sitting in the park and not talking to anyone; that’s hardly social interaction”. And to anyone that just said that or any version of that let me introduce you to one very powerful psychological tip. Being around others, even without a single word spoken can enhance your mood. Even if you have social anxiety; this is a great first step to beating anxiety in social settings. So yes, push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Tip #4 Keep a journal
It is important to keep a journal of your happy times. If you keep track of the good portions of the day and actually write these times down you can change your perspective of your overall day. Include the good things that happened during your day and the things you are grateful for. Maybe even include goals for yourself each day that you can achieve. Start with small goals such as going out and visiting a park and slowly work your way up to having conversations with random strangers. Accomplishing these goals will not only give you a visualized purpose to get out of bed but checking these off each day might even give you a little happiness boost.

Tip #5 Go to a professional
If you feel like you can’t do it all on your own and you need someone to talk to make the decision to go to a psychological specialist. Some problems are physical and you may need medication to help you through the problems you are facing. I understand that there is a stigma around mental problems and going to a psychiatrist, but it is not a weakness. And if you are dealing with depression, let me tell you that you are already very strong. It is a debilitating affliction, but if you had a broken arm or leg wouldn’t you go to the doctor? So treat mental health problems the same way you would a physical problem. 

I hope these tips help a bit on your journey and on that note..
YOU CAN BEAT THIS!!

Do you ever just look around you? Like truly look around you? What do you see? I see beauty in every moment. Even when I accidentally drop mustard on my shirt or see that my phone battery is at 1%. There is beauty everywhere. In those incidents, I can see beauty in the fact I was able to be eating some delicious that had mustard on it or that I have clothes on my back to get mustard on. Or the fact that I have a phone. It is little things that are overlooked as a society because we never truly are happy with what we have. We are a society of more. More cars, more money, and just one more Netflix episode.  We always want more and when we get it we are never satisfied. Nothing is constant in our lives, except when we get back to the basics and see the beauty in the simplistic things. “Stop and smell the roses”, that saying is very famous but does anyone actually smell the roses? Roses are a beautiful thing; ask any girl that has actually had a gentleman in her life. But there is beauty all around. In nature it is abundant. There is beauty in the vibrations that you can hear in music and even that baby crying next to you at that restaurant. If you look at a child you will truly see all the beauty in the world dressed in little toddler clothing. What I’m trying to say is just stop and see the beauty that lies in front of you. Really think about what is beautiful in every moment. Because beauty is a beautiful thing.

Last weekend I was at a bar with some friends. As I was sitting there I saw this guy and girl on a date and I figured it may have been their first date because they both seemed somewhat awkward and uptight at first, so the normal first date behavior (I know I’m creeper status huh?). But I couldnt help but notice that they both had a spark in their eyes that locked on to no one else but each other at the end of the night. It may have just been the few beers consumed but they seemed to have had a real connection.  Which brought me to thinking about connections. Romantic connections in particular and the idea of true love. It is a tough concept to grasp as we have only seen it in movies and cartoons but we seem to be taught the exact opposite in the real world. This is truly a sad fact. I mean I have had my share of broken hearts and I still truly believe in true love. I’m the type that has a deep passion and love for someone in my heart and soul and it shows through my actions. So it hurts extra when I get dumped. But should I give up on this true love concept when all that is missing is someone else’s reciprocative love for me? No! Just because I truly love someone does not mean that they will truly love me back. True love is based on two people loving each other with all of their hearts. Which since I love with all my heart; all that is missing is another heart full of love. That should be achieveable. There are Billions of people in this world so statistically im golden. But what I’m trying to say guys and girls is DON’T GIVE UP! Don’t let some person’s actions in your past affect your future when the right one comes along. Building a fort around your heart is only an answer if you have a spare key to the front door to hand out when someone special comes along. Dont be afraid to let down your draw bridge and let people into your heart, but dont be afraid to kick them back over the wall if they prove to be an unworthy knight in shining armor or princess. One day your prince charming will ride into town or your cinderella will be back for her glass slippers. I mean you know girls and their shoes haha. Just know that one day you will find your own version of true love!

If there is one strength that you can possess that makes you stronger than most, it is the power to forgive. Forgive the people who wronged you, and ask for forgiveness from those whom you’ve wronged. Anger and resentment only hurts you. It’s this internal fire that burns you up inside until your heart is scarred and burnt from the flames. Dont allow yourself to burn the love out of your heart. Instead let love run through your veins and course outwards towards others. Forgiveness can be extremely hard but holding on to the burden and pain only weighs you down. Drop the weight and walk forward into the light and your happiness will be intact. Reminiscing on negative thoughts only reinforces negative feelings. Positivity lies with forgiveness. And happiness lies in positivity.

Labeling.. We do it every day that we live on this earth. We label people by their religious beliefs, skin color, and even our financial status. Why do we do this? We are all humans. And in my belief, all God’s children. But first before we look at why we label others we should ask why we label ourselves. Many people have some type of mental illness or disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder. So let me ask a simple question. Have you ever felt “depressed” and uttered the phrase “I am depressed”? Many of us are able to say yes to this question, but let me tell you why this isnt a good thing to say. I agree that you should always state how you feel in order to not keep it bottled up inside but there are many other ways to express this. “I am feeling depressed” is a good start. Why stating ” I am depressed” is a bad thing lies in one psychological aspect. Labeling. Saying you are depressed creates this subconscious identity for yourself and by repetitive expression of this statement your brain will actually start to believe this. You can actually be doing yourself a huge injustice. So when you want to express how you feel try starting it with “I am feeling”. As a guy, I believe all guys can understand the fact that saying things a different way can make or break you. So dont label yourself guys except as the awesome and superb individual that you are.